Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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