I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
