I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
