tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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