I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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