Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
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You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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