His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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