so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize