If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize