since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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