What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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