I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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