Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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