Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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