after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
