Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
