we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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