She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
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Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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