Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
