Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's shark week go big or go home
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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