You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
