you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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