Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
