I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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