Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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