Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
