I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
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You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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