i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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