Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize