just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
