one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
