You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
