yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
