i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
