There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
