Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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