If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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