It's Friday. Sex?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
