she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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