I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
