I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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