Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
