hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
