Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
