last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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