I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
