why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
