Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
