Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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