Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize