This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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