He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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