this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
