shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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