I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Your cock deserves a montage
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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