i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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