her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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