In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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