i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
