If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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