and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!