I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door