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OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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