my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
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This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!