why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
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MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
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i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Pants are for mortals
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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