If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.