If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
