I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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